Go to work..

The day before your off day I eagerly wait with excitement like a child Christmas Eve. Finally, I will have a break I will have the help I so desperately need after caring for a sick child all week. What’s that smell? Oh that’s me, when is the last time I showered? I need a shower I need self care. The sink is full of dishes, the house is a mess from juggling a sick toddler dr apts and just life in general. That’s okay tho, I’m not going to be alone because it’s your day off and surely you will help, right? It’s only been a week since your last day off and some how I have already forget the reality of what happens on your days off. You won’t help with chores, you won’t help with our children. You will sit on your phone, spend hours on the toilet, the kids will walk passed you in the kitchen to come to the bathroom where I am trying to simply shave my legs to ask me to get them a snack. You snap at the kids and say “I’m right here I could have done it” but that’s exactly why they don’t ask you, because you obviously do not have the patience to let them be children. Mom is their comfort, mom is what they know. By the end of the day all I want is for you to go back to work, you laugh and joke about all the things your coworkers do and say and I know that’s where you want to be. They get the version of you I used to know, the version of you I fell in love with and I get the version of you that every wife seems to eventually end up with. You’ll say it’s because you’re tired and over worked but deep down I know it’s because you never wanted this life at all. You like to work, you enjoy working and I understand that. Unfortunately it doesn’t leave much room for the family that awaits for you to come home . You say I’m the one that’s cranky and you’re right I am, I am cranky that you make my kids feel unheard, you make my kids crave attention from any man that will give them attention, I’m cranky that you are here but not helping. I’m cranky that my best friend turned in to someone that I no longer know. I constantly fight the urge to yell “just go to work” because clearly that’s where you want to be. You say that your job is hard and tiring if that’s true why do they get the best of you and we get what ever is left? Just go to work.