Work in progress

Starting to understand why people believe in heaven, it’s so much easier going about your day believing that you can see a loved one again. As I sit here and cry with the rain feeling like I have been punched in the stomach over and over again wishing I could hear my brothers laugh just… Continue reading

I thought I was better, but tonight I broke down. Let’s start with something I recently learned to better understand my break down, trauma leaves marks on your body in ways you do not know. Imagine walking on the beach, you look back are those your foot prints or a strangers? There’s so many it’s… Continue reading I’m not okay

The day before your off day I eagerly wait with excitement like a child Christmas Eve. Finally, I will have a break I will have the help I so desperately need after caring for a sick child all week. What’s that smell? Oh that’s me, when is the last time I showered? I need a… Continue reading Go to work..

I hate this box I put myself in, I know I put myself in it but why? Because society told me I had to. We are told our whole lives a woman’s job is to get married, have babies, be a perfect wife and mother and under all the stress and pressure still look perfect… Continue reading Society is failing women

I have not posted in awhile, because in my mind I have been "self healing" I have been lying to myself. What I have been actually doing is distracting myself from my pain. It has now almost been a year since I have gone no contact with my father. The only granddaughter he will ever… Continue reading I can’t fold a fitted sheet

When I was young I was constantly told you should "be more like your older sister" she was prettier in my mothers eyes, she was skinner, she was smarter, she was everything my mother ever wanted in a daughter. What does that do to a child? It taught me at a very young age that… Continue reading “Just words”

Holidays are the time anxiety can sneak up on you the most. Nothing hits harder to a recovering daughter of trauma then seeing all of the "my amazing dad" post, a reminder that other people get to have that normal proud parent child relationship. I know it hurts, it hurts to know that you have… Continue reading Fatherless on Father’s Day

Today, like many days before I felt anxious. I won't get in to details of what triggered my anxiety because as each day passes I'm learning that it's not important. I can tell you this, I caused my anxiety. Most days I can be fine if I just didn't feed my curiosity. I need to… Continue reading Let it go

As I get closer to my due date I start to realize, my mother will not be at my birth.. I have had two children and she was there for both births, I started to get sad thinking maybe not speaking to her was a mistake.. The older I get the more I realize that… Continue reading Motherless

Some people think that I am only where I am today because of my spouse.. I think it's time to answer to that rumor. Of course I am where I am because of my husband, he is what truly keeps me going because he is everything I am not, and I am everything he is… Continue reading Half that makes me whole