Holidays are the time anxiety can sneak up on you the most. Nothing hits harder to a recovering daughter of trauma then seeing all of the “my amazing dad” post, a reminder that other people get to have that normal proud parent child relationship. I know it hurts, it hurts to know that you have never and most likely will never have that with your parent. The hardest part for me personally is seeing the ones about the amazing grandparents, my heart hurts so bad for my children who will never have that from my parents. My parents are simply incapable of loving anyone but their favorite child and favorite grandchild. That’s all too normal in my family so most people in my family have just accepted that and decided to go with the toxic flow of things. I’m the enemy because I say “no, this is not okay, this is not healthy and this will not be the normal for my children” I’m fine being the bad guy, I really am. Because I am the bad guy to them, I am the hero for myself and most importantly my children. My children will never wonder why they aren’t good enough because the people I surround them with remind them just how amazing they are. So this Father’s Day, I choose happiness, I choose to not be sad about the father I don’t have and be happy that I married a man that can be the father to our children that I always needed. I will not be sad when I see those pictures flooded over social media of these amazing father daughter relationships I will not be Jealous of those that get to have what I never did, instead I am thankful that someday my children will be so thankful and proud of my husband and I that I get to be those parents, I get to be the patent that my child gets to brag about. I know for all the times I didn’t feel the love from my parents it’s okay, it’s okay to let it go and choose to love like they should have and more. Because I can not change the love I did not feel, I can not change the hurt that was caused but I have the power to give my amazing children a better life and I will choose that everyday over and over again. So I ask that anyone who feels this negative energy take it and make it something beautiful, give the pain a purpose and don’t let hate win. Take all of the love you wish you had from them and give it to someone who deserves your time and energy because I promise you they don’t deserve another second of your time and remember you are the lucky one. You escaped a toxic cycle and made a better life for yourself and even if you don’t feel proud of yourself, know that I am proud of you! It takes strength and courage to see that you deserve better and to take it. 💕
Work in progress 