I matter..

Today you made me feel small, today you made your 26 year old Daugter feel like a 10 year old child with feelings that don’t matter. Let me start by saying, it was never okay at any age to make your child feel unimportant.. You thought it was okay then and you think it’s okay now but it is not. I apologize that you had a parent that made you think that feelings don’t matter, that is very unfortunate but you had two paths to take. You could be like her and do the same to your child or you could break the cycle. I am very sad for you that you choose wrong. I am very sorry for you that you will never feel the joy of having a healthy relationship with an amazing Daugter that you failed. Let me set this record straight since people seem to not get this. I am not who I am today because of a mother or a father. I don’t get the luxury of saying I had someone to look up to. I had people to look down on and decide I would not be like them. If you want to take the credit for who I am sure I’ll give you a list of things you are responsible for. That “fly off the handle temper” you hate so much and blame the women you decided to have kids with, yeah that’s you both. My insecurities, my anxiety, my fear of love, my panic attacks my constant need to be a perfect mother, my need for validation, that’s all you and none of it is pretty, but that’s what you did as a parent. Don’t you dare try to claim the good and blame the other parent for the bad. You don’t get to say that I am responsible, that I am good hearted, or that I am an amazing mother because of you. I am those those things because of my children, they are what makes me amazing. Because I will never let my children hurt because I tap out as a parent like both of mine did. Speaking of my children want to know something? Today you made my son feel unimportant for the very last time at that I promise you. You let his cousin SLAP him across the face and rather then comfort him after being hit you comforted the child that hit him and then called him a cry baby… Yes he is only three but guess what? That hurts. You may think that he doesn’t understand but he does and it hurts. I have forgiving you time and time again when you treat my sister better then me because “she is younger, she is slow, she needs you more, she is less independent then I am” all the other bull that comes out of your mouth I let go but let me tell you something I will NOT sit back and let my kids feel less important because your other grandchild “doesn’t have a good dad” like my kids do. How is that a 7 year old and a 3 year olds fault that your other child had a child with a bad person? That’s not their fault and they will never understand. All they see is “papa treats us different” and that hurts. So go ahead and sit in denial that what you do it okay but I am not obligated to deal with it anymore. I have no obligation to you or anyone else for that matter. My loyalty belongs to my children and my children alone. The did not ask to be my kids but you better believe I’m going to make dang sure they never wish they had another parent because the biggest pain in my life was laying in bed crying wishing I had any other parents but you and my mother. That is what you did,, you hurt your child, you made your child feel unloved and unwanted. That ends today because I matter. Don’t take this as me looking for sympathy or an apology because it’s no good anymore. You spend so much time telling me “you’re over reacting, you’re being dramatic, ect” good parents don’t tell their children their feelings don’t matter. They take a moment to consider how they feel. I am so sorry you didn’t get the memo but it’s too late. I don’t share this because I expect any one to feel bad, I share this experience in the hopes that someone, anyone will read it and take a long look at how they have treated their loved ones because eventually that “loved one” will have had enough and it will be too late.