Oh the favorite child

I think every parent has a favorite child even if they won’t admit it. Mine you ask? Such and easy answer, what ever child is not being a pain in the butt the moment you ask me. I think it’s perfectly normal to like one child more then the other especially in my case where it changes many times a day. What’s not okay tho, is having a favorite child and making it so incredibly obvious to the other children every chance you get. I’m 26 years old and I’m constantly seeking validation from a parent that will never give it to me. I go out of my way to do nice things for a parent who couldn’t probably care less that I am even alive. Granted these parents who choose to favor a child more then the other always have the most amazing excuses. My parents excuse? “They need me more” “they can’t help it, they are slow” “you have just always been so independent and responsible” news flash mentally damaging parent of mine. I’m responsible and independent because I had no choice, you and the person you decided to procreate with basically tossed me to the wolves at a young age to better take care of the child that “needed” you more. I know I should be thanking you, considering the favorite child turned out totally screwed up due to your constant babying, but I will not thank you. I will not give you the credit for who I am today, because you don’t deserve it. I turned out amazing because I choose to be amazing, I choose to be a better person and make better choices. I could have buried my self in self pity and turned to drugs and alcohol, you would have let me. You would have just blamed the opposite parent like you do everything else, agh the joys of being a product of divorce. I didn’t tho, I live an amazing life because I want better for myself. So why am I blogging my life if my life is good, despite the lack of nurturing you ask? Because I’m not okay, I suffer from constant anxiety and panic attacks, I spend way too much time obsessing over winning the love of a parent who is incapable of loving a child the way they deserve. I understand this is not your fault, I understand that are unable to break the cycle like I chose to. I have accepted that you are a product of a broken home and horrible parents just as myself. I understand that you will always treat your favorite child better and your favorite grandchild better just as your parent did before you. I get all that, which is probably why I have not cut you off like you clearly deserve, instead I suffer through it knowing there might never be an end to this pain you cause. So instead I share my story and my pain so those who aren’t the favorite don’t feel so alone today, so those who are the favorite show some compassion to those who aren’t and to those parents who still have a chance to break the cycle of mental abuse because it can be done. Just because you came from a toxic situation doesn’t mean you are a toxic situation. The best part about feeling lower then you ever have is that the only way to go, is up. I will choose to go up, every chance I get of it kills me. Not only because I deserve better but because the little people who look up to me deserve better.